Just friends with benefits? | Emotional | Intellectual | Social
How to be abstinent | Renewed Virginity

Just friends with benefits?

How many have heard of others doing this? Do you know what this means? It means being friends, having sex, and not a relationship. What happens when the friends stop benefiting from the relationship? Someone always gets hurt. Sex is more than just the physical act; it impacts much more.

Emotional

The emotions that are attached to sexual activity can overtake a person; they can feel love, attention, lust, rejection, fear, and guilt. The feelings don’t just end there. These feelings attach themselves in the most unpredictable way and everyone is affected differently.

The emotional affects are real. Check out these statistics:

National survey polling 6,500 teens between the ages of 14 and 17 said that:

Teen girls who had sexual intercourse were three times more likely to be depressed.
Sexually active boys were twice as likely to be depressed as peers who had not had sex.

Intellectual

Worrying and distraction from school and other areas of life
Pregnancy – guy or girl
Not accomplishing your goals

Social

Stories about reputations – guy & girl
You can overcome a bad reputation – “don’t let that moment define you”

How to be abstinent

Anyone can choose abstinence. Here’s how…

Make the decision: abstinence is a lifestyle, but it starts with a decision. Once you decide that abstinence is best for you write down your decision or get a free commitment card to carry with you by clicking here. [* Link to Ask HOPE form] Also, make your decision known to those close to you, friends/parents, who will support and encourage you.
Believe it: believe that you are a virgin again (mentally, socially, intellectually and spiritually depending on your values and beliefs) when you believe it, you will notice a change in the way you see yourself – your self-image.
Find supportive friends: it is important that you surround yourself with friends that hold the same standards as you do. It takes some of the pressure of engaging in sexual intimacy before marriage off of you. Such friends or peers will be a source of encouragement to push you toward your goal.
Educate yourself: Read articles on abstinence and get educated on the importance of abstinence. The more you know, the more your conviction will grow and the more prepared you’ll be to explain your choice to others.
Share your knowledge: Tell others about your choice to be abstinent and help to know about and avoid the spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional and social risks that come with sex before marriage.
Date smart: when dating encourage abstinence by:

Spending time with each other’s families
Plan your dates ahead of time and avoid situations where you’re alone in a secluded place
Date in groups so you can get to know each others friends better and get to know each other better in social settings
Don’t date someone who doesn’t share your standard of saving sexual activity until marriage
Set a clear limit on physical contact/affection and make your standard known to each other and those close to you
Avoid the use of alcohol and drugs because they impair your judgment and increase your chances of doing things you wouldn’t otherwise consider
Be creative in planning dates that are fun and give you opportunities to learn more about the other person

Be prepared to say no: practice saying no. It’s important to say it clearly, assertively, with both verbal and non-verbal language, and to be consistent.

Renewed virginity*

I’m 17, and I have been going with Stacy for 9 months. Before I dated Stacy I had sex with two other girls. Stacey and I were together for about 2 months when we had sex the first time. She was a virgin. The next day I couldn’t get a hold of her, two days later she called and said that we needed to talk. We went a got a cup of coffee and talked. She was upset and she said that she didn’t want to go out with me anymore. She felt so bad that we had sex. Stacey didn’t want to have sex anymore because she believed it was something to wait for until she was married. We took a break for a few weeks. During that time I realized how much Stacey really meant to me and how little the sex mattered. We got back together and didn’t have sex. It’s been a year and we haven’t had sex. We have a great relationship, we are closer then I ever thought we would be. To me, Stacey’s choice not to have sex again was like the secondary virginity everyone talks about; she has committed herself to waiting and so have I.